Therapy.

I think I have to make it my annual goal to be a better person. And to be more outgoing.

Just today I got back from one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I spent a week volunteering at Camp Quality in NW Missouri. Camp Quality is an organization based on getting kids with cancer back to being kids again. It is the most inspiring place I have ever been to. I don't mean to sound sentimental and saccharine, but really think about it. Kids with cancer have a lot on their plate, not only are their bodies stressed to the limit, but mentally children suffer from isolation, withdrawal, and strain. These children have to mature so fast and deal with issues I can't even begin to fathom dealing with. They lose their chances at childhood and having fun, and simply being a kid. But this camp gives them the necessary resources so that they can safely come to camp and just be a kid.

This camp is like a week-long therapy for children where they can simply escape. Not only is it therapeutic for them, but also for me. Seeing these children just let go and have fun is so inspiring. Not only are the children amazing little people, but their companions are too. At Camp Quality, each camper is placed with a companion who hangs out with them and takes care of them for a full week. A lot of the companions, being former campers themselves, are all incredible people. They galvanize these children to forget they have cancer for a week and just be children. They befriend the children, and actually care, something I didn't think really mattered to anyone anymore. This past year I have become so jaded towards everything, towards society. I was beginning to look at it completely as a black hole of depravity and corruption (which for the most part it is), but somehow there are still people out there who are simply good, kind people.

My experiences at Camp Quality this past week have been awe-inspiring. While it has not completely renewed my faith in society (I still maintain that about 98% of society is fucked up), just knowing that there are still decent people in this world has made me less calloused towards life. This camp has been therapy for the kids, as well as therapy for me.

In the great words of ???, "This is the beginning!"

I guess this is the beginning.

I have had my fair share of failed blogs. I blog, and blog, and people tire of me and my rants and then I grow tired of the people, and then my blog turns into one big epic fail, and then my life turns into one big epic fail. So I guess the point I am coming to is I am writing this more to get things off my chest than for people to actually read. Don't get me wrong, if you want to read it, that's cool too, but you can't bitch, because that is my job.


So, what is it people do with blogs? Talk about their pathetic, meaningless lives?

I am pathetic, so I guess I am allowed to continue...

Let me start with saying that for every 1 good thing that happens in my life, at least a year of shitty stuff follows. (mind you, it is 0230, and I am half drunk).

For instance, I finally get into nursing school, an endevour that has consumed me for over 3 years, and one that I have been actively applying for, for 2 years only to become embittered everytime I was rejected. But I got in, and a whole lot of shit stopped weighing on me (I mean this figuretively of course). However, now that I got accepted, I ended up in the ER with my mom, I almost got in my first fight, I saw a fat chick give a skinny dude a handy on the subway, and I had to cancel my trip to Trek Expo for my birthday.

Luck isn't something that follows closely with my name. I defintely do not align myself with luck, like I'm not about to ask it to cat sit because luck hates me that much. Most of the time it feels like someone took a piss all over my destiny. I would be stupid to claim that my acceptance into nursing school doesn't make me nervous. Now that I am in nursing school, how in the hell am I supposed to feel secure with my acceptance, because it just feels like it is this wonderful dream that had come true, but I know full well that my dreams always end up treating me like crap and that luck is just waiting to give me an all out bitchslap. These past few weeks seem like an annoying elbow to the ribs, a sort of nagging pain, and I know that I am sure as hell not ready for the full wrath that I am going to have to endure at some point.

Only so much good can happen to someone before they get a rude awakening. Even if they are a good person, luck is never just given away. It is an even exchange, and I can't blame the lady bitch for how she treats me, because she does occasionally bring me the best, only she does come to collect her debts, and in my case she takes interest. She's like a loan shark, or a mobster. She'll help you when you really need it, but you better be prepared to pay her back plus more.

---Wishing I could rid me of this burden of a Lady.